100 Days of Grief

"It is no use saying, 'We are doing our best.' You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary." -Winston  Churchill I have a friend that lost her baby a few weeks before me.  She was little bit farther along than I was when she lost her baby.  This friend is one of my best friends I would say.  We moved in around the same time and then she ended up selling her house a couple different times and now she lives about an hour and a half away.  Our kids are close in age and I felt like almost immediately we formed a bond.  She was easy to talk to and very real with me.   Yesterday we met up.  When I first lost my baby I feel like I relied a bit on her to help me figure out what was normal.  Was it normal to be this sad.  Was it normal to feel angry? Was it normal to for me to struggle with certain things?   She came down to me probably about a month after I lost Hope and we talked for about an hour.  After...

"He that conceals his grief finds no remedy for it." -Turkish proverb I was listening to a talk today and a particular phrase stuck out.  The speaker said, "Your struggles do not define you but they can refine you.  Because of a ‘thorn in the flesh,’ you may have the ability to feel more compassion toward others.  As guided by the Holy Ghost, share your story in order to succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees." I've felt that as I've gone through these difficult times I've never felt more compassion for others than now.  It feels like because I've been through hard things I'm able to see others burdens more clearly.  I'm more aware of the difficulties that before I would have overlooked.  I really believe that everyone has hard things they are going through and we are here to lift each other up. I feel like because I have been blessed with so much during my miscarriages I should be...

"People suffer because they are caught in their views.  As soon as we release those views, we are free and we don't suffer anymore." - Thich Nhat Hanh I'm going to start with today's post with starting with the prompt.  Today's prompt is this: Which grief misconception has been most harmful to your grief journey?  Consider the ways in which you can help teach others about these destructive misconceptions. I think the worst misconception that I struggled with during my miscarriages was that it wasn't okay to feel certain ways.  At the very beginning I felt bad feeling angry, depressed, and hurt.  I think the hardest one was the anger.  I think I probably still feel bad about this one.  We are taught that anger isn't good and that it's a "bad" feeling.  We shouldn’t feel angry at people, we shouldn’t feel anger towards situations because it only hurts us. I think that anger can be a harmful emotion if we don't dig into ...

"When we lose those we love, we must understand that it takes time to learn to feel again.  For nothing can touch the heart that is frozen with grief." -Unknown Yesterday while teaching piano lessons I had one of my students bring up Hope.  This is something I had been worried about since starting lessons.  I was worried I would fall apart in tears if one of the students mentioned it.  Instead I come away feeling comforted and loved.  The interaction was simple.  He just mentioned that he knew I had lost a baby and that it made me very sad.  He also said that he thought the baby would have been cute.  Strangely his simple words have been some of the most kind and compassionate words I've received. As adults I think we think that the person mourning doesn't want to talk about their baby because it is hard and it brings up emotions.  Instead they say they are sorry for our loss.  My students simple acknowledgement that I had l...

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.  When I let go of what I have, I receiver what I need." -Tao Te Ching Tonights prompt is about relinquishing control.  In a previous post I explained how having a miscarriage leaves you feeling helpless and out of control.  You try so hard through pregnancy to control all the things to make sure you don't lose the baby.  But really you don't have any control over life and death.  I couldn't control that my baby's heart stopped beating.   In a way it relieves some of the guilt because you naturally think of all of the things that could have killed her.  But as I've gotten farther from the grief and guilt I've realized there really wasn't anything I did that killed her.  I think I knew early on that we would lose her.  Nick has expressed the same feeling.  I remember having a conversation with him about how if she died later on I would like to donate all her organs....

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.  When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need." -Tao Te Ching Yesterday I didn't blog because it was an absolutely crazy and wonderful day.  I was exhausted at the end of it but it was a good exhaustion.  A happy contended exhaustion.  Nick and I and the kids were all sealed together at the Mount Timpanogos Temple.  It's hard to find the words to describe it all. Humbling, joyful, bittersweet, emotional, just all of the feels.  And it was amazing to have friends and family there with me through it all. The morning started out really calm.  Nick and I slept in and were able to snuggle a bit before the we knew the craziness would ensue.  I woke up and started cleaning the kitchen and getting breakfast ready.  The kids were excited but happy and I felt just an overwhelming peace.  I wasn't irritated by the fact that the dishes didn't get done the night before.  ...

"We each survive in our own way." -Sarah J. Maas This post talks about making a list or inventory of survival strategies.  To be honest I had no idea what it was talking about until it asked me what were some coping strategies that had worked in the past.  I feel like this post might be a bit easier to write about because it's talking about ways to heal.  I feel like the last couple have been talking about being in the trauma and pain and I haven't been able to go there.  I've been thinking the last couple of days that I wanted to try and not write so much about my spiritual journey with this.  I know some people can't relate to it and I didn't want to come across as preachy or pushy but as I was reflecting about it, it felt like I wasn't being true to my healing if I avoided it.  It seems like my scriptures, prayer and time to ponder has been the balm to my pain.  Just know that I understand completely if it doesn't fit for everyone. ...