100 Days of Grief

"Memory is the diary that we all carry about with us." -Oscar Wilde It's New Years Eve today.  Today has been hard.  I'm pretty sure I write that every day but today has been more so.  I went to breakfast with a friend and I enjoyed the time with her but came home feeling heavy.  I kept trying to push through.  I wanted to do something the kids would enjoy and I had errands I had to do.  Now I'm curled up in bed not wanting to do anything more.  Today I wasn't gentle with myself but I've felt so guilty my children are stuck in this home with a mother who can't seem to stop crying and who isn't completely present.  I wasn't expecting to day to be hard but watching on social media as everyone has recapped their year made me look back at this last year.  Everyone seems to be excited about the future year and I'm not.  I don't want to move forward without my baby.  I don't want to move further in time because it's lik