100 Days of Grief

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.  When I let go of what I have, I receiver what I need." -Tao Te Ching Tonights prompt is about relinquishing control.  In a previous post I explained how having a miscarriage leaves you feeling helpless and out of control.  You try so hard through pregnancy to control all the things to make sure you don't lose the baby.  But really you don't have any control over life and death.  I couldn't control that my baby's heart stopped beating.   In a way it relieves some of the guilt because you naturally think of all of the things that could have killed her.  But as I've gotten farther from the grief and guilt I've realized there really wasn't anything I did that killed her.  I think I knew early on that we would lose her.  Nick has expressed the same feeling.  I remember having a conversation with him about how if she died later on I would like to donate all her organs.  It sounds morbid