Showing posts from January 20, 2020

Day 25 of 100 Days of Grief

"Guilt isn't always a rational thing.  Guilt is a weight that will crush you whether you deserve it or not." - Maureen Johnson As I've been working through my days I've been glued to my to do list.  I think at first it was because I had such a hard time concentrating that it was easy for me to write essentially my steps through out the day.  I wrote down crazy dumb stuff like, shower, brush your teeth, comb your hair, make breakfast, etc.  I had such a hard time concentrating that without it I was lost.  I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing each day and I was getting so frustrated because I couldn't accomplish anything.  I just had this haze of grief around me.   Now I'm realizing that I hold to these lists because I feel like it gives me some control.  Miscarriage and fertility issues you have no control whatsoever.  I couldn't control Hope dying.  I couldn't control how sick I was.  I couldn't control what happened