Day 54 of 100 Days of Grief and Hope

"If the others heard me talking out loud they would think that I am crazy.  But since I am not, I do not care."
-Erenest Hemingway



This cold is really taking it out of me.  I started feeling yucky last week and came home from church and slept for 4 hours.  This last week I've been taking naps most day because I know that sleep helps getting better.  But here I am a week past and I slept from 9pm last night to noon today.  And I still feel pretty yucky.  I just don't want to go to the doctor because I feel like you have more of a chance of picking up other things that just letting your body fight what you have but I'm not sure my body is handling this cold very well.

Anyway, I was pretty bummed to have missed going to church today.   It's hard to try and get your kids who are 4 & 6 to understand just because you didn't make it to church today you still need to be respectful of the sabbath day.  I get it, they don't understand and even for those that understand it's hard to remember but I just wish I had that time where we are reverent and not yelling at each other.  

Today's prompt talks about talking to your baby.  I have to be honest.  I've not done this much.  Every once and a while I'll talk to Hope and tell her about what we are doing or what we were looking forward to with her here.  I talk to her and tell her I hope that she's doing what she needs to be doing there and I look forward to seeing her when I'm finished here.  These are mostly conversations in my mind while I'm thinking of her while driving or if I see something beautiful, etc.

But they don't happen often anymore.  I feel like with distance I think that we are both busy with what we are doing.  That and truthfully I don't think of her as often.  It makes me feel like a poor mother but it does give me comfort that she is with other ancestors that are hopefully guiding her in what she's doing.  I like to think of Nick's mom or my great grandmother or grandmother spending time with her. 

I've kind of struggled with wondering if even though she wasn't born is she a spirit?  Did she complete her mission even though she didn't receive a body?  There really isn't much about it in church materials.  At what point does that baby count as a being?  I saw her heart beat at 6 weeks.  To me that means she's alive but I'm not entirely sure.  I guess this kind of is the whole argument with abortion.  At what point are they consider human?  When does their spirt come into their body?  Is it when they are born or are they there while you're pregnant?  

Different scriptures seem to contradict themselves.  There is the scripture where Mary and Elizabeth meet and Elisabeth says she felt the baby jump in her womb with excitement because the baby recognized the Savior in Mary's womb.  To me that shows that the spirits are aware of of things while still in the womb.  But then there is also the scripture in the Book of Mormon where Jesus visits Nephi the night before his birth to Mary.  To me that shows his spirit is not in Mary's womb at that time.  I'm sure there is much I don't understand but I just wish I knew.  Hope feels real to me but what if I'm just creating that in my mind to cope with the loss?

I believe that I can receive revelation concerning it, maybe I just need to study it out in my mind more.  

Anyway, I know this doesn't follow along with the prompt too much, but it's what has been on my mind.  What do you guys think?  Do you think even if a child ins't born they are still a spirit?  Did they receive their body and complete their mission here?


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